1 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,758 Albert Dooley, the student voted most likely to succeed 2 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,189 of the class of 1 959. 3 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,150 You lovely big success, Albert. 4 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,596 Daddy. 5 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,756 Excuse me. Yeah, what is it, son? 6 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,269 Here's a puppy Eddie said he'd give me. 7 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,914 - He's a cute one. - For only $50. 8 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,233 Fifty dollars? 9 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,239 - He has his own pedigree. - He oughta have his own car. 10 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:09,433 l already picked out a name for him... Charlie. 11 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,428 Yeah, that's fine, but that's... 12 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,519 l mean, $50, you know, it's... 13 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:24,599 Well, there are licences and vets and shots and... 14 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,391 Think of all the food! 15 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,351 l'd share my food with him. 16 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,950 No, Jimmy. Small boys need all the nourishment they can get. 17 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,952 You're not a small boy. You could share your food. 18 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,359 Maybe next year, okay, Jim? 19 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:48,429 l'll get a job. Rent my room, l'll sleep in the garage with Charlie. Please. 20 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,997 l'm sorry, Jim. 21 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,918 l thought you and l were pals. 22 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,236 We are pals, pal, but... 23 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,397 Where am l gonna get 50 bucks? 24 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,156 l can't even pay these bills. 25 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,078 Here, Eddie. Take him. 26 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,556 Pal? 27 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,957 ''Cinnamon.'' 28 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,674 A bit of cinnamon. 29 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,598 Where's the cinnamon? l just... 30 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,155 Now, it's cinnamon. 31 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,477 ''Mustard.'' 32 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,997 Mustard. 33 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,478 ''Curry powder.'' 34 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,953 ''Garlic.'' 35 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,757 Garlic? 36 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,877 There must be a simpler way to make apple sauce. 37 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,036 - Katie! - Yes, dear? 38 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,751 That was Herman and the Purple Cows. 39 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,111 We have to have another talk about economising. 40 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,198 First guess what l'm cooking. Three guesses. 41 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,551 - Later, okay? - Try, plum pudding. 42 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,636 - Plum pudding. - Wrong. 43 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,115 Try apple sauce. 44 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,754 Katie, we have to economise. 45 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,677 That's what l'm doing. 46 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,837 l'm making home-made apple sauce with apples off our tree. 47 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,757 - That's fine. - Taste it. 48 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,395 Tell me if you think it's too... 49 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,431 ..too ingredient. 50 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,637 That's good. 51 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,548 lt's really... lt's really good. 52 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,034 You think you should've peeled the apples first? 53 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,197 Oh, no, see, that's where all your vitamins are. 54 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,077 And the seeds too? 55 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,078 Albert, you should know. You're the scientist. 56 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,558 Now, there must be someplace... 57 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,910 that we can cut down. 58 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,998 - This bill from the dress shop... - l know where we can cut down. 59 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,315 - Where? - Your lunch money. 60 00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,873 What? 61 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,560 lt makes no sense spending money... 62 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,877 when you have a wife who could pack you a nice lunch. 63 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,515 Darling, that's too much bother for you to go to every morning. 64 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,757 - To get up... - Oh, pooh. What is a wife for? 65 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,155 lt's just a part of our marriage vows. 66 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,555 To love and obey, till death do us in. 67 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,231 Thank you, darling. 68 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,551 Don't tip your lunch. The apple sauce is on top. 69 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,197 Bye, sweetie. 70 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,232 Daddy, Eddie says this is my last chance. 71 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,749 - Your last chance for what, pal? - For Charlie. 72 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,677 - Who? - The puppy. 73 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:04,237 Don't bother your father with that now. He's got little enough on his mind as it is. 74 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,599 Mr. Hooper next door, he has a dog. 75 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,109 He can afford to feed it. lt's a big one. 76 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,471 Mr. Hooper works for the US Treasury, and they have our money. 77 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,830 He could afford a giraffe. 78 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,157 - Finley! - Giraffe! 79 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,637 l wish this fool professor made enough money so l could investigate him. 80 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,271 Mornin', Fred. 81 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,755 - Why not drop a bomb on us, Arvin? - lt'd be quicker. 82 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,158 Don't blame us. lt was you old cats who invented the internal combustion engine. 83 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:10,679 Peace. 84 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,640 You're a lawyer. Do something about those Wadlow boys. 85 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,911 - Something legal, preferably. - Did you say ''legal'' or ''lethal''? 86 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,713 Either way, l'll take the case. l'll take any case. 87 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,593 - l need some rent money. - You too? 88 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,235 Sometimes l wish l'd been born rich instead of brilliant. 89 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,631 Mornin'. 90 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,072 Morning, group. 91 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,719 Velma. Are you awake and ready? 92 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,592 Arnold, wake up. 93 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,958 You two behave yourselves today. Clyde. 94 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,435 You ready for a big day? Very good. 95 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,391 Mr. Duck. 96 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,675 Are you gonna shape up today? 97 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,076 For me? Please? 98 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,508 Good. 99 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:17,236 lf you flunk any more of those tests, you're gonna be a gone goose. 100 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,154 Another dropout performance like yesterday, 101 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,033 you'll have Dr. Gottlieb climbing the walls. 102 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,672 He takes a dim view of any duck... 103 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,076 that doesn't know a yellow button from a red one. 104 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,518 Be quiet. What's the matter? 105 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,279 Good. You're eating the apple sauce. 106 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,356 You like it? 107 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,313 l knew you were weird, but that's ridiculous. 108 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,759 You must have got your share too? 109 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,348 - l'll get you a bicarb of soda. - Dooley! 110 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,511 - Professor Dooley. - Dr. Gottlieb. 111 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,437 - What are you doing? - l'm ready. 112 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,199 You realise how far back you're putting the schedule? 113 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,198 - l'm sorry. - What's the matter with the chimp? 114 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,473 He's nervous. 115 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,677 - Nervous? - About the tests. 116 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,430 Well, get on with it. 117 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,636 - No duck! - What? 118 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,591 - No duck. - But the schedule calls... 119 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,029 - Revise it. - Sir, l feel if we test him... 120 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,789 Do you know what the data is on the learning potential test for that... 121 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,070 - Minus 1 1 . - lt might be a slow learner. 122 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,191 - Slow? - Yes, sir. 123 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,518 This duck could shed new light on the rates of learning for various animals. 124 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,518 All right. But it's his last chance! 125 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,200 Thank you, sir. 126 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,673 Last! 127 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,155 l understand. You hear that? 128 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,953 You gotta shape up... 129 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,959 You got apple sauce all over your face. Come here. 130 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,716 Took him ten seconds last time. 131 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,757 Let's see if he'll do better. 132 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:12,913 Excellent. 133 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,396 Well, Mr. Pig, what are you gonna show us today? 134 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,312 Beautiful! 135 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,479 Superb. 136 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,751 No, Dooley. That duck couldn't begin to handle these tests. 137 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,474 Over here. 138 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,474 This is the simplest device we've got. 139 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:44,230 The duck had 49 hours of practice on this one, so it's time we see results. 140 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,115 Okay, duck, go for the yellow button, the centre. 141 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,398 He's got it. 142 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,070 Get that stupid duck out of here! 143 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,317 Wait a minute. Just one more time. Just one more time. 144 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,874 For what? He's useless, completely unresponsive. 145 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,673 All right, fella, once more. Yellow button, centre. 146 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,276 You don't give up. 147 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,437 - There he goes for the red button again. - No, he's got it now. 148 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,677 At least he's reacting. 149 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,714 All right, get that misfit out of here. 150 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,393 You have to admit that's an interesting reaction. 151 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,670 This duck is a fascinating creature. 152 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,673 What have we got here? Gamma rays on what? 153 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,314 Testing some new high-resistant silicone oils. 154 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,670 - Phenyl type? - Yeah. 155 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,678 What is the integrated threshold neutron flux? 156 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,154 - What do you mean by that? - What? 157 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,475 Well, you said, ''Quack.'' 158 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,591 l didn't say quack. 159 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,112 Holy cow! 160 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,232 Professor. ls this one of your creatures? 161 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,351 - How did she get in there? - You tell me. 162 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,277 You almost had fried duck. 163 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,277 Well... is she okay? 164 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,789 Sure, no harm. Just got a little jolt. 165 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,310 But would you please keep your friends out of our department? 166 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,954 Yeah, okay. 167 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,310 Boy, you really blew it today. 168 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,228 Only thing to do now is find you a home for retired dropouts. 169 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,112 A duck? 170 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,312 Yeah, that's what it is. A duck. 171 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,759 But l want a puppy. l don't want a dumb old duck. 172 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,269 l didn't bring it home for a pet. 173 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,717 Then why'd you bring it? 174 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,434 lt was that or let the janitor's wife fricassee it. 175 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:20,439 - lt was a washout at the lab. - Wouldn't a puppy be as cheap to feed? 176 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,071 - We're not gonna keep it. - He really had his heart set on a puppy. 177 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,668 Katie, now, we've been through all of that. 178 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,872 l'm just trying to find a home for this poor, stupid duck. 179 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:35,357 Maybe that farmer would take it, the one that sells us those vegetables l can't afford. 180 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,755 - You mean Mr. Gilby? - Yeah, l guess so. 181 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,318 You're mixed up. 182 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,955 Mr. Gilby is the bakery truck man. 183 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,197 - Mr. Purdham is the vegetable man. - Well, Purdham. Okay. 184 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,073 Give it to him. lt'll have a good home on his farm. 185 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,909 - Probably eat better than we do. - Hey, daddy! 186 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,998 l think he likes me. Watch how he follows me. 187 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,350 Come on. 188 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,595 How would you like a real great name? 189 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,278 You like that? 190 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,429 Maybe l can teach him some tricks. 191 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,790 Him? Good luck. 192 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,355 l was just thinking. 193 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,359 Good for you. 194 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,189 Yeah, instead of giving that duck to Mr. Purdham, 195 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,595 maybe Jimmy could trade it in on a puppy. 196 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,473 - We settled all that. - l know. 197 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,229 But it wouldn't cost you anything, and it might help... 198 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,715 Never mind. l shouldn't even mention it. 199 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,315 - Mention what? - Oh, nothing. 200 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,317 l'm sure you'll solve it. 201 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,153 What? 202 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:02,796 The generation gap you're creating between Jimmy over this puppy. 203 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:14,109 Honey, you know Jimmy and l have a very good, close relationship. 204 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,595 Of course you do, Albert. 205 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,995 That's why l didn't even mention it. 206 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,439 Help! 207 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,710 - He's gonna kill Charlie! - What? 208 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,879 Get outta here! 209 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,434 - Leave that duck alone. - Get out of my yard! 210 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,790 - That's our duck. - Well, get him out of my pool. 211 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,798 Get your hands off my skimmer! 212 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,195 - Charlie! - Jimmy, be careful. 213 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,756 l got you now, you duck-billed intruder! 214 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,997 Get your hands off of my skimmer. 215 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,554 Attaboy, Charlie! 216 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,670 Get that bird off my slide! 217 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,270 - Stop that dog! - Go, Charlie! 218 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:10,155 Bite him in the tail feathers. Don't let him get away from you. 219 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,309 Come here, duck. 220 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,670 lf that dog lays a tooth on that duck... 221 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,754 Take your skimmer... 222 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,713 - Hooper, let go! - You're gonna drown him! 223 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,438 Come here, duck! 224 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,517 l'll report you to the SPClA. 225 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,115 Call your dog! 226 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,517 Get this duck out of the pool. He's contaminating it. 227 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,158 Get your dirty shoes out of my pool! 228 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,238 Why, you hit my husband! 229 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,109 Come here, Jimmy. Take the duck. 230 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,834 Hurry. Now hold on. 231 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,878 - Climb up the stairs. - Come on! Albert, hurry. 232 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,070 - Come on! - Go on! 233 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,760 Hurry before the dog gets out. 234 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,553 Oh, sic 'em! 235 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,557 Go! Give 'em a good one. 236 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,636 Go get 'em, Duke. 237 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,997 Finley! 238 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,475 What are you doing in there with your clothes on? 239 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,477 Can't leave you alone for a minute. 240 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,672 Look, daddy. Charlie laid an egg! 241 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,719 Why, Charlie, you're a mama! 242 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:50,959 Twins! 243 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,070 Four eggs. lsn't that something? 244 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,749 l don't see how she laid any eggs with that beast barking at her. 245 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,678 lt was that beast that caused her to do it. 246 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,553 Now, Albert, they hardly know each other. 247 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,593 No, l mean... 248 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,030 l know what you mean. Don't discuss it in front of our S-O-N. 249 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,674 We learned that stuff in school anyway. 250 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,554 No. lt's a conditioned reflex, you see? 251 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,114 When the dog barks, the duck lays an egg. 252 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,798 lt happened once at the lab. 253 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,229 That's not the way my mother explained it to me. 254 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,432 Anyway, the important thing is... 255 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,233 the money we're gonna save growing our eggs. 256 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,558 We're not eating those eggs. 257 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,275 l mean, this duck, it's strange. 258 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,835 No, it's an aberration, a biological mutation. 259 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,757 lt is? 260 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,277 That's a chemically mixed-up duck. 261 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,630 lt's even been radiated and... 262 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,716 We're not eating those eggs. 263 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,559 Good. Then we'll hatch 'em. 264 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,551 ls that all right? Hatching them? 265 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,438 No. They probably wouldn't hatch anyway. 266 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,553 Only thing to do is bury 'em, which l'll do after Jimmy goes to sleep. 267 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,192 - What the devil are you doing? - Nothing. 268 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,114 Digging a hole at midnight 269 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,515 in your pyjamas 270 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,437 is nothing? 271 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,630 You know, l'm digging. 272 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,957 - For what? - Night crawlers. 273 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,719 They certainly lay big eggs. 274 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,117 Go to bed. 275 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,756 You're a nut. 276 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,755 - You wanted to see me? - Yes, a research problem. 277 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,558 Come on. 278 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,358 Sit down. 279 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,917 - Well? - Dr. Gottlieb, is it possible... 280 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,917 ln science, anything is possible. 281 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,669 Yes, but could radiation alter the molecular structure of a... 282 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,633 substance from organic to inorganic? 283 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,516 So we're a radiobiologist now, are we, Dooley? 284 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,437 Just a minute. 285 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,397 Yeah. 286 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,831 Try these for starters. 287 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,679 - All l wanted to know... - The answer is yes. 288 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,952 - But what substance? - Like an egg. 289 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:45,153 - What kind of an egg? - Doesn't... 290 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,319 Chicken, turkey, duck. 291 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,591 - Please don't mention duck to me. - Sorry. 292 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,632 Anyway, your experiment has been done. 293 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,593 1 903. 294 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,632 lt was a young medical student 295 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,394 at the Royal Viennese Hospital. 296 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,115 His name was Schultz or Schmaltz. 297 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,356 Here. Schwartz. 298 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:15,439 ''ln searching for a chemical background 299 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,835 for radiogenic inflammation from radium, 300 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:22,397 Gottwald Schwartz exposed an egg to becquerel rays.'' 301 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,229 ''Both the organic and inorganic molecules suffered a change.'' 302 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,515 ''There was no change in the white of the egg, 303 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,029 but there was conspicuous change in the yolk.'' 304 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,918 The yolk! That's it! 305 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,639 l mean, that's... quite interesting. 306 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:50,796 Didn't... change it into any kind of 307 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,991 metal, did it? 308 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,557 Metal? 309 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,950 What do you want, Dooley, gold? 310 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,870 Well, you said anything was possible. 311 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,797 Possible, yes. 312 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,469 But... making a golden egg? 313 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,270 That's for Aesop's Fables, isn't it? 314 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:25,359 But gold has been made synthetically, hasn't it? 315 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,153 Yes, with nuclear bombardment, 316 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,272 but we know what that costs, don't we? 317 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,834 - lt doesn't pay. - No. 318 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,552 Excuse me. 319 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,956 l'll be right there. 320 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,911 Excuse me. 321 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,756 l have to go recheck the lQ of the chimp. 322 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,392 Hundred and forty. Higher than mine. 323 00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,634 We've run quite a few tests on that metal of yours. 324 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,716 Darndest thing we ever ran across. 325 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,035 - But is it... - You won't believe this report. 326 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,071 - Well, it's wild. - Then it's not... 327 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:34,155 Look here, Dooley. The metal contains traces of D-galacturonic acid. 328 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,874 Now, isn't that wild? 329 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,116 You know what that is. That's pectin. 330 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,508 Pectin? 331 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,393 Pectin that's been hydrolysed under intense heat. 332 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,829 Pectin comes from apple peelings. 333 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,797 Apple sauce. 334 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,117 No, it's true. And look, it also has a trace of garlic in it. 335 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,674 l don't wanna hear any more. As long as it's not gold. 336 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,756 lt's practically pure gold. 337 00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,355 What? 338 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,914 But it has some of the weirdest impurities in it. 339 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:03,917 One element we can't identify, 340 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,874 not related to any of the 1 03 basic known chemical elements. 341 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:12,358 Mr. Dooley, you didn't get hold of a moon rock, did you? 342 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,869 Moon rock? Me? No. 343 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,195 l've never even been out of California. 344 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:21,148 - Where'd you dig up this gold? - Dig? l didn't dig. 345 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,477 - A placer deposit? - Yes, it was deposited, you might say. 346 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,397 - Thank you very much. - Wait a second. 347 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,069 - You want your report? You paid for it. - Yes. 348 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,078 The report. Thank you very much. 349 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,949 So this is an assayer's report. So what? 350 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,197 That's why l need a lawyer, to help me incorporate. 351 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,032 lncorporate what? 352 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,914 Fred, that sample is the yolk of a duck egg. 353 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,953 Come on. 354 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,833 l know how incredible this must sound to your legal mind, 355 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,350 but in 1 903 a Viennese scientist... 356 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,233 You ever read Aesop's Fables, the one about the goose? 357 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,954 Should you be driving in your condition? 358 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,311 l'm telling you, Fred, that fable may be scientifically feasible. 359 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,989 - Pull over, Albert. l'll drive. - Okay, sceptic. 360 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,908 l'm gonna show you one of those gold eggs actually being laid. 361 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,037 Watch out! 362 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,273 You crazy, ding-a-ling driver, Orlo! 363 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,433 l'm not even in the car. That's Arvin. Bigot! 364 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,548 Now, you just lie there and relax, Finley. 365 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,717 Forget all about that nasty, old treasury office. 366 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,308 Thank you, dear. You're a good person. 367 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,394 Come on, Fred. 368 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,509 l'll get the duck, make Hooper's dog bark at it, and you'll see. 369 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,870 Would you please go upstairs and talk to Jimmy? 370 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,151 Not now. l've got news. Our financial worries are over. 371 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,510 Jimmy's broken-hearted because l was.... 372 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,030 You're not listening. We're gonna be rich beyond our wildest dreams. 373 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,310 Oh, l always knew you'd make good, 374 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,671 even when Papa kept saying, ''Don't marry that no-good, lazy...'' 375 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,836 lt's nothing l did. lt's Charlie. 376 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,996 Remember those eggs l was gonna bury? 377 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,476 Brace yourself. They're gold. 378 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,390 Well, don't look that way. l'm not kidding you. 379 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,592 - lt's true. - Albert, l believe you. 380 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:41,032 - What's the matter? - l gave the duck to Mr. Purdham. 381 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,313 You told me to! 382 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,637 l was sorry l did. Jimmy's been crying. 383 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,273 Where does Purdham live? 384 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,470 - l'm not sure. - Think! 385 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,752 l'm trying. 386 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,592 - Where does Purdham live? - Try the cookie jar. 387 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,029 - The cookie jar. - Where l keep my addresses. 388 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,550 Oh! We've gotta find that duck... 389 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:10,036 before anything happens to it. 390 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,957 ''Chicken chow mein.'' 391 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,036 But l... 392 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,071 Purdham! 393 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,158 Oak Road. Come on! 394 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,590 Get in the car, Fred! 395 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,676 Daddy, wait! 396 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,830 Well, look, l guess l could... 397 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,274 give you five dollars for it. 398 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,234 Well, l... l know l never turn down a good deal. 399 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,193 You'll find the duck in the pen back of the barn yonder. 400 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:57,514 Thanks. 401 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,591 There's gotta be a million of 'em! 402 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,638 Where are you? 403 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,599 This duck doesn't respond to normal things, like its name. 404 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,430 - You know what we need? - A good psychiatrist. 405 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,790 No. We need something it does respond to. 406 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,833 Start barking. 407 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,668 lt's our only chance. Bark! 408 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,630 Wait a minute. What am l doing? 409 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:09,356 A sane adult with a law degree crawling around a barnyard, barking at fowls, 410 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,596 trying to find a duck who lays solid gold... 411 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,714 Solid gold eggs! 412 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,589 l'll never see Charlie again. 413 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,359 Come on. We're not gonna give up till we're licked. 414 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,789 We'll find him. Charlie? 415 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,951 Where are you goin'? 416 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,590 They're gettin' away from us! 417 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,159 Come on, Fred! 418 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,272 Get out! Get back there. 419 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,311 Go back, ducks. 420 00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,590 - They're in the pond. - Head 'em off! 421 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,915 Back, you ducks! Get back, ducks. 422 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,793 Get them out of the water. Shove them back onto the shore. 423 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:08,990 Here. What's goin' on? 424 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,712 You said only one duck. 425 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,671 But something happened to the gate. 426 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,870 Get these critters back in the pen. 427 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,558 Get back! 428 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,869 l found Charlie! 429 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,234 Hey, wait. Come back! 430 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,157 Help me. 431 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,033 - l knew l'd find her. - You sure it's her, son? 432 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,674 l know it is. lt's Charlie. 433 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,076 There's one way to find out. Hold her on the ground, Fred. 434 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,950 Maybe only Hooper's dog can do it. 435 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,918 No reflection on you, dear. 436 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,838 Why, Albert, you don't sound like Hooper's dog at all. 437 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,432 He goes more like... 438 00:34:19,240 --> 00:34:20,753 l think she's got it. 439 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,599 Pitch. lt might be a matter of pitch. 440 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,476 What do you think now, sceptic? 441 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:58,152 Baby... you're lookin' at a believer. 442 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:01,280 Figuring its weight in troy ounces, 443 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,358 at the pegged gold price, 444 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,869 that's over 900 bucks a yolk. 445 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,713 - That's right. - And if she laid four eggs in... 446 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,479 - How long did you say? - About ten minutes. 447 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,716 That would be 448 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,559 over $20,000 an hour. 449 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,558 And if she worked a six-hour day, 450 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,875 give or take a couple of coffee breaks... 451 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,877 corn breaks... 452 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:28,597 Al, baby, 453 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:31,109 we're talkin' about a $1 00,000-a-day business! 454 00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:34,835 That's right. lf l can find the formula to keep her producing. 455 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,633 Oh, you'll do it. You'll do it. 456 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,389 The big problem is: How do we legally protect our fortune? 457 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,198 Our fortune? 458 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,232 What do you mean, our fortune? 459 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,158 Look, Al, sweetheart, 460 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,669 l'm only trying to save you money. 461 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,509 By making me a partner, you'll save paying me exorbitant lawyer's fees. 462 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,556 l'll have to devote full-time, 463 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:02,468 incorporating a duck and not have the lnternal Revenuers on our neck. 464 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:06,354 - l got your clothes all nice and dry for you. - Oh, fine. 465 00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:10,075 How did you manage to do this, Katie? 466 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,909 - lt was no trouble, really. - Thanks. 467 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,112 Anyway, the thing to do is to sit tight until l figure things out. 468 00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:19,674 And don't tell anybody about this, especially... 469 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:25,599 We don't want that government stool pigeon snooping around. 470 00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:28,712 The first thing l'm gonna do is get rid of that junk l'm driving. 471 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,354 l saw the most fantastic yellow sports car. 472 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,870 Hold it! Don't spend any of that money yet. 473 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,753 - What? - No changes in your living standards. 474 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,474 - You mean, not pay our bills? - Bills, fine. 475 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,751 We can't raise suspicions until we get this legally protected. 476 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:48,790 Let's try and get some sleep. 477 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,076 Or, 478 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:56,113 do you think we oughta get the duck and bark out a few more thou? 479 00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:59,471 The duck's asleep with Jimmy, and l don't want Jimmy disturbed. 480 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,035 Don't forget to bring my robe back. 481 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:07,199 - That's not part of the deal. - Okay... partner. 482 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,636 Do you think now we can afford to reshingle our house? 483 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:27,070 Reshingle our house? 484 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,430 We could reshingle the Pentagon. 485 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,437 We could buy the Pentagon. 486 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,518 Well, what would we do with it? 487 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,916 l'm only trying to give you an idea of our potential. 488 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,554 We have what other men have only dreamed of. 489 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:43,992 lt's kinda scary, isn't it? 490 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,236 You bet it is. 491 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,791 How rich will we be? 492 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,276 So rich that we could not possibly spend it all. 493 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,311 - We could try. - Wait a minute. 494 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:56,954 - l just want to help all l can. - That's fine. 495 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,833 Don't get carried away. We must keep our sense of values. 496 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:02,474 Aesop's Fable warns us against avarice. 497 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,034 - Against who? - Greed, greed. 498 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,072 Fellow in the fable, he let greed destroy him. 499 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,714 We're gonna play it cool, keep our feet on the ground. 500 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,752 What? 501 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,349 Let's take our cool feet and go to bed. 502 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,196 Cute. 503 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,914 You oughta close the window. He might catch cold. 504 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,631 Good idea. 505 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,390 Now what? 506 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,273 Some sense of values. 507 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,391 What do you mean? 508 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,954 Boy, he sure was right. 509 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:52,114 - Who was? - You know. 510 00:39:58,680 --> 00:39:59,954 l do? 511 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:02,119 Aesop! 512 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,715 Jimmy, your lunch. 513 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,194 Be sure and take good care of Charlie while l'm gone. 514 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,551 Don't worry, l will. Now, run along. 515 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:20,274 And don't let Mr. Hooper's dog get him either. 516 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,159 Jimmy, hurry up. You're gonna be late for school. 517 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:35,910 Yes. Who? 518 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:41,957 The bank. 519 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,438 Bad cheques? 520 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,149 Well, you printed them. 521 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:57,752 How could a big bank like you have insufficient funds and stay in business? 522 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,917 Not us, you. 523 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,679 We've explained that you cannot write cheques 524 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:05,552 for more money than you have. 525 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,557 You can be arrested for that. 526 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,752 No, please don't do that. Please don't call Mr. Dooley. 527 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:15,510 l can get the money. But could you hold on the phone a minute? 528 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:45,917 Mr. Meaker, l... 529 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,759 l guess you'll just have to call my husband about that... 530 00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:52,953 Wait. 531 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,308 l'll be right down. 532 00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,236 And what is this? 533 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,108 l'm overdrawn, and that's to un-overdraw me. 534 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,872 Yes, you are overdrawn. 535 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,912 But what is this thing? 536 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,871 Thing? 537 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:16,676 That's gold, worth over 900 troy ounce dollars. 538 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,792 And that's my deposit slip for it. 539 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,957 - You recognise that, don't you? - One moment, please. 540 00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,115 - Next. - This way. 541 00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:55,074 What kind of a bank is this anyway? 542 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,953 Sit down. 543 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:13,589 Mrs. Dooley, we can hardly take a trinket for a deposit. 544 00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:17,349 Trinket? Haven't you bankers ever heard of gold? 545 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:22,118 Mrs. Dooley, even if that were gold bullion, there's nothing l can... 546 00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:23,229 Bullion? 547 00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,033 Processed gold as distinguished from raw gold. 548 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,749 The only thing we can do with this is turn it over to the Federal Reserve. 549 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,713 That wouldn't do very much for your account, would it? 550 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,513 l should say not. l'll just take it to another bank. 551 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:38,314 They'll have to do the same thing. 552 00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,830 The only possible place you can take that is to a refinery. 553 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:43,791 Refinery? 554 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,437 Where'd you get the hat? 555 00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,437 What hat? 556 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,677 Oh, now, Albert, it was on sale. 557 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:13,190 lf you wrote a check for that hat, we're overdrawn again. 558 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:16,437 No, we're not. l deposited over $900 today. 559 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,753 - Where did you get $900? - From the refinery. 560 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:27,474 - You haven't been in the eggs? - No, not those. Charlie laid one for me. 561 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,197 Well, why did you take it to the refinery? 562 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,197 The bank told me to. 563 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,197 The bank? 564 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,630 You took it to the... Well, did you tell the newspapers too? 565 00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,399 Well, no, Albert, just the bank. 566 00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,751 They said if l didn't cover my bad cheques, l was gonna be arrested. 567 00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:49,678 - Would you rather l got arrested? - No. 568 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,189 Some husband. He wants his wife in jail. 569 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:56,154 Didn't you hear Fred say not to tell anybody and not to spend the money? 570 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,475 But what's the use of having it? 571 00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:01,151 Hi, partners. 572 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,396 - Don't tell him what l did. - What did she do? 573 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,954 - Sold an egg to a refinery. - Good! 574 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,914 That's all we can do. We don't have a licence to handle gold. 575 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,190 - Then get us a license. - Oh, sure. 576 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:15,073 Can you see going to the US Treasury Department and saying, 577 00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:19,034 ''l'd like a gold licence for my duckie who lays gold eggs''? 578 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,958 Couldn't Hooper get it? He works for the US Treasury. 579 00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,868 He'd confiscate our duck so fast, it'd singe its feathers off. 580 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,231 - Get all the gold off the premises. - Why? 581 00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:35,032 Federal gold regulations. You could get ten years for hoarding. Read this. 582 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,950 We'll have to think up a good story to tell the refineries. 583 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:40,434 Why? 584 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:44,792 You try to peddle gold duck eggs, they'll lock you up in the nut farm. 585 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,116 Well, l did it, and they didn't lock me up. 586 00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,880 Yes, but you're... 587 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:54,391 Wait a minute. You didn't tell them where the gold came from, did you? 588 00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:57,549 Well, he asked me. 589 00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:00,435 Now the whole world will be after that duck. 590 00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,838 - What did he say when you told him? - He just laughed. 591 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,917 Laughed? 592 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:12,076 He just... laughed? 593 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,070 Do you hear that, Albert? He just laughed! 594 00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:19,800 Don't you see? She solved our whole problem. 595 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,593 She can tell them the truth, they'll never believe it. 596 00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:25,473 They won't lock her up, no matter how nutty it sounds. 597 00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:30,398 l'm not so sure l want my wife... 598 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,796 - What is that, Fred? A new suit? - Ah! Listen, sweetheart. 599 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:37,629 - Here's a list of refineries. - Don't sell too many eggs at one time. 600 00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:41,355 Fred, what have you... You got a new briefcase too. 601 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,038 lt's nothing, Al baby. 602 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:47,392 Keep moving around refineries, otherwise it might look suspicious. 603 00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:51,798 Got it. Could l buy some new clothes to wear for this? 604 00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,273 We mustn't spend the money. 605 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,519 - Mrs. Dooley? - Yes. 606 00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:13,908 This is exceptionally high-grade ore. 607 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,793 - Our cashier is making a cheque for you. - Thank you. 608 00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:20,754 These nuggets are very interesting. 609 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,997 - ldentical size and shape. - Yes, l noticed that. 610 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,554 l was curious as how they got that way. 611 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,956 Would you believe a duck laid them? 612 00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:32,230 A duck laid 'em? 613 00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,874 - What kind of duck was that? - A white one. 614 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,070 A little white duck. 615 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:48,272 Mrs. Dooley, listen. About these nuggets... 616 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,834 l really have to dash. Bye-bye. 617 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:54,953 - We don't have your address. - That's all right. l have it. 618 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:14,034 Treasury Department? This is Carter down at Alco. 619 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:18,039 l got something really odd here. You might want to check it out. 620 00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:01,074 Beauty. 621 00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:05,952 What's the price of that car? 622 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:10,039 $ 7,995. 623 00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:13,152 - lt's not even a dozen eggs. - l beg your pardon? 624 00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:17,910 Nothing. You wouldn't happen to have a layaway plan? 625 00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,350 - Hardly. - l didn't think so. 626 00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,472 Well, l can't buy it now, but, 627 00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,631 l'll be back. 628 00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,716 According to the phone calls... 629 00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:53,833 that have been pouring into this US Treasury Department office, 630 00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,315 this map represents certain refineries 631 00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,795 that have been receiving these... 632 00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,070 odd gold nuggets. 633 00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:03,634 And we don't know who the gang is, 634 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:07,309 but, undoubtedly, it's an underworld operation. 635 00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,749 Why would they be spreading those nuggets 636 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,677 around all those various refineries? 637 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:13,870 You figure it's Mafia-controlled, Chief? 638 00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,593 - Probably something worse. - Worse? 639 00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:24,671 Gentlemen, they may have learned how to make gold. 640 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:27,991 Well, that's not very probable. 641 00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:32,113 That can only be done by atomic bombardment, and the cost is prohibitive. 642 00:50:32,240 --> 00:50:34,151 l know that, Hooper. 643 00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,794 The point l'm trying to make is they've found a way 644 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:39,992 to make gold cheap enough to put on the market. 645 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:43,317 Our top chemists can't even identify some of the elements, 646 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:48,719 and there are traces of such bizarre impurities as... apple pectin. 647 00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,276 Apples in gold? 648 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:54,433 Don't laugh. 649 00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:58,712 Remember what happened to good old, ordinary bread mould, don't you? 650 00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,239 Penicillin. 651 00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,238 But Mr. Morgan here of the Federal Reserve Bank... 652 00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:07,193 has something further to say to us on the subject. 653 00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:09,878 Gentlemen, this... 654 00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:15,239 this thing just cannot happen. 655 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,319 l mean, money, money is the greatest... 656 00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:22,352 What we've got to do is to... We have got to ferret out... 657 00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,914 and stop this nefarious gang of... 658 00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,828 Well, l, l hesitate to think... 659 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:32,350 what would happen if this were to get out of this room! 660 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:35,718 Excuse me. 661 00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:38,195 Rutledge here. 662 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,797 Yes, he is. Just a second. Morg, for you. 663 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:45,195 President of the New York Stock Exchange. 664 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,232 He says urgent. Take it on one. 665 00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:57,196 What rumour? 666 00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,156 Synthetic gold? 667 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,349 Where'd you... Where'd you hear that? 668 00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,198 Your barber? 669 00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:12,956 No, absolutely nothing to that. 670 00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,959 Nothing to it at all. Well, we have had a little flap 671 00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:20,959 about gold around here, but, everything is absolutely under control. 672 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:24,868 So you tell the Wall Street to relax. 673 00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,868 Good heavens. How would his barber... 674 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,594 Rutledge here. You again. 675 00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:43,836 Take it on two. 676 00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:48,153 Yes, this is he. 677 00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,471 The state department? 678 00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,428 Hello, Rodge. 679 00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:02,189 Oh, no, Rodge. That's just a rumour. 680 00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:06,393 Rumour or not, Ed, this could play hard with our foreign monetary agreements. 681 00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:11,279 Believe me, Rodge, we are on top of this thing. 682 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:14,233 No, sirree, not a single foreign country... 683 00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:16,351 will hear anything about it. 684 00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,988 Get me the US ambassador. 685 00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:25,317 How dare they meddle with their gold. lt's all ours. 686 00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:29,157 America is producing instant gold. 687 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,077 lt is a plot. 688 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:35,034 lf those bloody Americans are fabricating the stuff, we're done in. 689 00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:37,276 Please get formula. 690 00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:41,552 lf Americans make it for ten dollar an ounce, we make it 8.95. 691 00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:47,550 The White House? 692 00:53:55,400 --> 00:54:00,315 Yes, sir. l fully realise that you have enough trouble without this. 693 00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,510 Yes, sir. l understand, sir. 694 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,995 Quite... Yes, sir. 695 00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:11,636 Gentlemen, l think your duty is quite clear. 696 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,673 lt's in your hands. 697 00:54:21,720 --> 00:54:24,996 What leads do you have on this gang? 698 00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:29,277 Leads. 699 00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:34,790 So far the only lead we have is the name of the bag man. 700 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:36,751 Bag woman. 701 00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,315 Known under various aliases, 702 00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,908 such as K.W. Dooley, 703 00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,468 ''Katie Klaus'' Dooley, 704 00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,194 Mrs. Albert Dooley, 705 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,595 Frances Abigail Dooley. 706 00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:57,555 What was after Albert Dooley? Why, that's my neighbour. 707 00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,592 - Your neighbour? - Well, it's not my fault. 708 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:03,075 l was there first. They moved in, and l... 709 00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:07,716 and Albert Dooley. l knew there was something about that professor. 710 00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:23,113 Really, now. A man of your age. 711 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:28,669 l was doing undercover work. 712 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,389 Yes, l can see that. 713 00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:48,877 Hi, neighbour! 714 00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:50,911 How's it going there, friend? 715 00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,631 Fine. 716 00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:01,957 Having a little vacation. 717 00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:06,039 l thought l'd spend it... fixing up the house. 718 00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,673 Have fun. 719 00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:19,033 Hooper suspects something. Did you tell him anything? 720 00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:20,798 You forgot to kiss me. 721 00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,958 - Answer me. Did you? - l haven't even talked to him. 722 00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:28,238 - Well, how about Jimmy? - l talked to him. He's our son, remember? 723 00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,999 - l know that. - Why are you suspicious of Hooper? 724 00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,190 He's being friendly. That's proof enough! 725 00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:51,509 - How about that car? - How about that? Beauty, isn't she? 726 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,393 What happened no change in living standards? 727 00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:56,750 Not only will my new idea save us a bundle... 728 00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:59,235 - That's the car l had my eye on. - Good taste. 729 00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:02,557 And old Freddy boy is gonna see you get a stable full of 'em. 730 00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:07,276 Why can't we have a car like that? 731 00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:12,275 ls that all you can think about, material possessions? 732 00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,836 Here l am, slaving my head to the bone while you... Albert! 733 00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:18,394 How about that for a company name? 734 00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:21,592 - Dooley's Wrought lron Sauna Baths? - Yeah. 735 00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:23,995 - What does that have to do with gold? - Nothing. 736 00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:27,118 lt's a sure loser, a great tax write-off. 737 00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:29,748 l can tell you we got bigger problems than that. 738 00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,678 - You mean some new ones? - Hooper's suspicious. 739 00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,234 - Hooper? - Yeah. He spoke to me. 740 00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:39,239 Besides Hooper, l cannot identify the radioactive element in our gold. 741 00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,828 lf l can't do that, l don't know what its half-life is. 742 00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:45,748 - And if l don't know what its half-life is... - What is this half-life? 743 00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:48,678 The rate of disintegration of a radioactive substance. 744 00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:51,428 ln other words, it could run out. 745 00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,075 Run out? 746 00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,953 You mean our duck could stop laying gold eggs? 747 00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:58,832 Exactly. 748 00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,512 You mean that duck could be washed up right now? 749 00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:05,791 - lt's possible. - Well, get it, Al. 750 00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:07,797 Get it and check! 751 00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:11,558 Bring the duck! 752 00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:14,433 You don't have to shout. l have 20-20 hearing. 753 00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:17,154 - Where's Charlie? - Out. 754 00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:18,554 What do you mean? 755 00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:21,478 Jimmy took him for a ride with the Wadlow boys. 756 00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:23,875 The Wadlow boys? Not that! 757 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:27,959 The way those maniacs drive, there goes our Charlie! Come on. 758 00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,117 You guys said you'd take me and Charlie for a ride. 759 00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,037 Take it easy. We will. 760 00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,118 Can't you just put the battery... 761 00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:39,312 Go help him. 762 00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:44,831 lf you're gonna hang around here, you gotta shape up, okay? 763 00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,557 Get that duck off there! He'll fry! 764 00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,190 Hey, Arvin, look. He likes it. 765 00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:09,353 Man, he's outta sight. 766 00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,872 Wanna sell him? We'll give you two bucks for him. 767 00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,436 No, sir. He's my friend. 768 00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:22,596 l got an idea. 769 00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:01,473 - What do you think you're doing? - Don't do that, daddy! 770 01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:04,034 - We're havin' fun! - The fun's over, son. 771 01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,549 But they're going to take me and Charlie for a ride. 772 01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:11,435 Oh, no! No, no, no, they're not taking this duck in that deathtrap. 773 01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,313 Hold on, Mr. Dooley. Doesn't that duck belong to Jimmy? 774 01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:17,000 Yeah! You're violating his civil rights! 775 01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:20,635 lt's not a civil rights case. lt's... property rights. 776 01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,716 Hitlers! 777 01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,591 Albert, Jimmy's upstairs crying. What did you do to him? 778 01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:33,871 l didn't do anything to him. l was just protecting the duck. 779 01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,514 We can't take any more chances like that. 780 01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:39,313 We have to take it away from Jimmy altogether. 781 01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,113 You can't do that. Jimmy loves that duck. 782 01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:44,515 lt's his pal, now you've turned against him. 783 01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:46,437 What do you mean? 784 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:49,757 This is academic if Charlie can't produce any more. Come on. 785 01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:44,630 Serves you right. Masher! 786 01:01:56,560 --> 01:02:01,554 Getting big, aren't ya? Come here. l got something to show you. 787 01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:03,591 l'm not supposed to go into your yard. 788 01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:07,599 That's all right. l've got a present for you. Come on. 789 01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:12,111 That's for me? 790 01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:15,915 lf you want it. My little nephew outgrew it. 791 01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,433 Say, this is a nice duck you've got here. 792 01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,438 l'll bet she lays a lot of nice eggs. 793 01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:29,391 Yeah, lots of them. 794 01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:33,798 You know something? l've never seen a real duck egg. 795 01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:37,310 Do you suppose l could get her to lay one for me? 796 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:40,955 l don't know. My dad can. He barks at her. 797 01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:44,390 He does? He ba... At the... Barks at the... 798 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:48,718 Why don't l try that? Come here and hold her and l'll try it. 799 01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:50,671 Here we go. 800 01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:59,075 Anything happen back there? No. 801 01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:12,477 - Come home now, Jimmy. - But look at the bike Mr. Hooper... 802 01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:15,353 Right now, Jimmy. And bring Charlie. Hurry. 803 01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:21,236 And you, Mr. Hooper, 804 01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:23,157 stealing your neighbour's eggs. 805 01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:25,840 Aren't you ashamed? 806 01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:33,834 That's right. Albert, he knows! 807 01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:36,474 Well, no, he didn't get the egg, but... 808 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:40,957 l can't keep the duck locked up all the time. lt's only human, you know. 809 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:45,069 Yes. All right. 810 01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:49,270 Crisis, Fred. Hooper's hip. 811 01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:52,631 l'll meet you at the house as quick as l can sneak away from here. 812 01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:03,878 What he has is, this little duck. 813 01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:09,070 - Did you say ''duck''? - Yes. Duck. 814 01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:12,270 l got it. 815 01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:16,678 Evidently some kind of a new gangland code word. 816 01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:20,679 Oh, no, just plain duck. You know, quack, quack. 817 01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:23,314 And this duck lays gold eggs. 818 01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:26,318 lt's true. l mean, l saw it happen. 819 01:04:26,440 --> 01:04:28,476 They bark at it. 820 01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:33,273 - Bark at it? - Yeah, like a dog. 821 01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:38,590 They bark just like... And that causes the duck to lay these gold eggs. 822 01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:50,117 - Why, l did it myself. - You? 823 01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:53,116 You laid a gold egg, Hooper? 824 01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:56,710 Oh, yeah. lt wasn't easy, but... No! l didn't... 825 01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,877 l barked at it. The duck, it laid the gold egg. 826 01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:05,914 Certainly very interesting, Hooper. 827 01:05:09,080 --> 01:05:12,629 Look, why don't you stop by my office sometime tomorrow... 828 01:05:12,760 --> 01:05:16,548 and you and me have a little chat? 829 01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:19,114 But, Chief, wait a minute. l know it sounds... 830 01:05:19,240 --> 01:05:21,993 You confiscate the duck, and l'll prove it. 831 01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,314 How long you been with the department now? 832 01:05:29,440 --> 01:05:32,671 - lt was after Prohibition. - Chief. 833 01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:37,032 There may be something to this. l checked with a Dr. Gottlieb at the university lab, 834 01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:40,470 and he said something about Dooley trying to make gold out of eggs. 835 01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:43,353 l thought he was putting me on. But now... 836 01:05:43,480 --> 01:05:46,313 Aren't those nuggets all about the same size as an egg yolk? 837 01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:48,556 So... Stop that! 838 01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:51,433 lt's all some fairy-tale talk... 839 01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,278 Sure, but look at the facts. 840 01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:02,555 Yes, Mr. Morgan. No, we haven't struck yet, but it's a duck. 841 01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:05,717 - Lays gold eggs. Duck. - Let me have that. 842 01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:09,319 Hi, Morg. Rutledge here. 843 01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,196 Thank you. Same to you. 844 01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:16,677 Yes, there does seem to be a certain degree of duck involvement. 845 01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:18,950 We don't know just ex... 846 01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,674 Oh, no, duck. D-U... Yeah. 847 01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:24,075 Oh, not a word. Not a word's gotten out. 848 01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,270 A duck? 849 01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:30,790 Try to trade them for it. Offer them all their gold. 850 01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:34,595 Sell all our mines and buy up every duck from here to Cape Town. 851 01:06:34,720 --> 01:06:37,359 Get the blueprint of a US duck. 852 01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:40,836 Make same thing. Plastic, half-price. 853 01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:47,276 Just let me say this about that. 854 01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:49,831 Get that duck. Do you understand? 855 01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:59,236 All right, men. We're moving in. 856 01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:01,154 Here's the strategy. 857 01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:14,074 - Where's Charlie? - Upstairs with Jimmy. 858 01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:16,156 Good. Where's the egg? 859 01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:18,635 That's what we want. We got to get rid of the duck. 860 01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:21,911 You got any more of these? We gotta get rid of 'em. 861 01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:23,359 Albert. What are you doing? 862 01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:25,436 - l handle the eggs. - l'm trying to help. 863 01:07:25,560 --> 01:07:27,994 l know and l'm telling you l'm the egg man! 864 01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:34,037 - Finley, where are you going? - Not now, Eunice, please. 865 01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:36,879 - Let go of my egg. - lt's my egg, too, Albert. 866 01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:40,197 This is enough! Albert, go upstairs and get the duck. 867 01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:45,917 Now, wait just a minute, Katie. l will decide what l am going to do! 868 01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:50,990 l'm going upstairs and get the duck. 869 01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,592 Hello there, neighbour. 870 01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:09,190 l thought you'd like to meet my colleagues at the treasury department. 871 01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:11,788 - This is Mr. Rutledge, Smith... - lt's a pleasure. 872 01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:14,229 l hope you can come back when l'm not so busy. 873 01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:20,196 Being treasury men doesn't mean you can barge in without a search warrant. 874 01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:21,548 Right here. 875 01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:23,557 There you are. 876 01:08:24,280 --> 01:08:27,909 Dooley, Mr. Rutledge wants to see your duck. 877 01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:29,878 What duck? 878 01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:33,197 - Come on now. - You mean my little boy's pet? 879 01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,914 Mr. Dooley, we have an eyewitness... 880 01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:38,713 who will attest to the fact that you have a duck 881 01:08:38,840 --> 01:08:41,115 that lays... gold eggs. 882 01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:43,196 Gold eggs? 883 01:08:43,320 --> 01:08:45,515 Why'd you do a dumb thing like that for? 884 01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:47,710 $41 ,000 worth of eggs, 885 01:08:47,840 --> 01:08:50,718 and not one cent of income tax has been declared. 886 01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:53,195 This duck of yours could be 887 01:08:53,320 --> 01:08:56,232 the most single valuable asset in the United States today. 888 01:08:56,360 --> 01:08:58,954 That duck is a natural resource. 889 01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:00,991 Like Hoover Dam. 890 01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:04,078 That duck is entitled to the protection of the US Government. 891 01:09:04,200 --> 01:09:07,078 You have no proof that my client's duck lays gold eggs. 892 01:09:07,200 --> 01:09:11,557 l understand that the duck will produce on command. 893 01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:14,956 That's right. l've done it myself. You bark at it. 894 01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:16,991 l'll get the duck. 895 01:09:17,120 --> 01:09:19,315 Now, wait a minute. You have your rights. 896 01:09:19,440 --> 01:09:23,353 - l'd like to confer with my client. - You got 30 seconds. 897 01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:31,753 Are you outta your mind? 898 01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,713 l'll bark in the wrong pitch, and she won't produce. 899 01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:36,671 - She won't cross us up? - No way. 900 01:09:40,200 --> 01:09:42,634 - l'll get the duck. - l think l'd better. 901 01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:45,638 He might not give it to you. He's not crazy about you. 902 01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:48,228 - Beckert, don't let her out of your sight. - No. 903 01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:51,079 l am not going upstairs with some strange man. 904 01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:53,316 lt's okay. 905 01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,348 - He's gone. - The duck? 906 01:10:08,480 --> 01:10:10,948 - Jimmy. - Went out the window with the duck. 907 01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:12,877 - They're both gone? - You tricked us. 908 01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:15,195 - Shut up! - Don't just everybody stand there. 909 01:10:15,320 --> 01:10:17,754 - Go out and find him. - l'll handle this. 910 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,757 Beckert, Smith, Forbes, outside. 911 01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:22,758 Deploy, cover the area. Hooper, stick with me. 912 01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:25,030 Katie's right. We have to find that duck. 913 01:10:25,160 --> 01:10:27,390 Not the duck, Fred, my son! 914 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:31,274 Mrs. Hooper. Did you see the Dooley kid come out of his house? 915 01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:33,516 - With a duck? - l sure did. 916 01:10:33,640 --> 01:10:36,393 He got a bicycle out of our garage and took off. 917 01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:39,114 - Which way did he go? - That way. 918 01:10:39,240 --> 01:10:41,993 Hey, Forbes! Come on! Let's go! 919 01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:44,714 Eunice, why don't you watch what you're doing? 920 01:10:46,800 --> 01:10:49,997 Poor Jimmy. lf we'd never gotten that darn duck. 921 01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:53,032 Honey, we'll find him. 922 01:11:18,480 --> 01:11:21,597 There's the bike. Come on. 923 01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:28,552 Turn around and let's go! 924 01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:59,512 There, Chief. 925 01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:14,076 Search that truck. 926 01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:17,396 Get up. 927 01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:19,476 Not in there. 928 01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,754 - What are you bums doin' in my truck? - Sorry, sir. 929 01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:27,838 This is US official United States Government business. 930 01:12:27,960 --> 01:12:30,030 We know you got a duck here somewhere. 931 01:12:30,160 --> 01:12:31,798 Duck? 932 01:12:32,040 --> 01:12:35,749 l know. This is Candid Camera, right? 933 01:12:37,720 --> 01:12:39,312 Where is it? 934 01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:48,270 Hooper, check that garbage can. 935 01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:56,797 Okay, Mac. Move. 936 01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:07,679 Let's check the rest of the alley. There's no sign of him here. 937 01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:13,989 - There they are. Follow them! - Wait for us! 938 01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:22,151 Come on, boy. 939 01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:47,635 What are you doing? 940 01:13:47,760 --> 01:13:50,035 Stop it! Come here! 941 01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:57,149 The guy in the truck swerved to miss the duck. 942 01:13:57,280 --> 01:13:58,838 lt's Jimmy. 943 01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:00,598 What could l do? 944 01:14:00,720 --> 01:14:03,314 What are you, some kind of a nut? 945 01:14:03,440 --> 01:14:05,670 - Come on. Come on. - Don't let 'em get Charlie. 946 01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:08,473 - Who's after him? - Everybody, even the government. 947 01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:10,636 The government? Come on, Arvin. Hurry. 948 01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:14,389 - All right. Cool it. - Come on, Charlie. You're mine. 949 01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:19,352 There they are! The Wadlows have 'em. 950 01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:26,277 Never mind that! Get up here. Move that car outta the way! 951 01:14:29,440 --> 01:14:31,510 l said, move it! 952 01:14:46,120 --> 01:14:47,599 Watch out! 953 01:15:00,760 --> 01:15:03,228 Wait. They're always ready. We need 'em. 954 01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:07,832 - Get in. - Should we leave a note for somebody? 955 01:15:31,800 --> 01:15:34,394 Albert! Jump on! 956 01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:56,755 Stop this thing. He's gonna be killed up there. 957 01:15:56,880 --> 01:16:00,395 - Try and lower him. - How do you work this crazy thing? 958 01:16:09,400 --> 01:16:13,188 Hey, Fred! Turn right at the next corner! 959 01:16:25,240 --> 01:16:26,593 Hey, Fred, watch it! 960 01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,472 That was a red light. 961 01:16:31,480 --> 01:16:33,755 Look what they're chasing us with. 962 01:16:36,160 --> 01:16:39,232 l sure gotta hand it to your old man, Jimmy. He's somethin' else. 963 01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,794 For crying out loud, Fred, take it easy! 964 01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:48,672 Hang on, Albert! 965 01:16:57,920 --> 01:17:00,673 Fred, what are you trying to do, kill me? 966 01:17:19,760 --> 01:17:22,149 You're gonna ''decaptivate'' him! 967 01:17:25,280 --> 01:17:28,238 - What are you trying to pull now? - What do you think? 968 01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:30,271 l'm waiting for a streetcar! 969 01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:33,478 Go, Forbes. After 'em. 970 01:17:46,680 --> 01:17:48,033 Here we go. 971 01:18:01,440 --> 01:18:04,193 Get around that fool truck, and we got 'em. 972 01:18:08,360 --> 01:18:10,112 Come on. Pass 'em. 973 01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:30,270 Your dad's cool, but he is a show-off. 974 01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:12,472 Hold it! You gotta have a ticket! 975 01:19:19,080 --> 01:19:23,710 Swing on back to that garage, Forbes. We got 'em now. 976 01:19:33,360 --> 01:19:35,749 You can't make a U-turn here, stupid! 977 01:19:38,920 --> 01:19:42,310 Thank you. Move along, folks. Break it up. 978 01:19:42,440 --> 01:19:44,908 lt's official United States Government business. 979 01:19:45,040 --> 01:19:47,156 No wonder you got everything loused up! 980 01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:57,917 Fred, the boys are in the parking garage. 981 01:20:08,800 --> 01:20:10,916 You can't bring this thing in here. 982 01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:13,395 - My son is in here. - l don't care who's in here. 983 01:20:13,520 --> 01:20:15,317 Get this outta here! 984 01:20:15,440 --> 01:20:18,352 Will you please take my money? l'm in a hurry. 985 01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:21,074 - This mother's child... - Will you get this thing out! 986 01:20:32,920 --> 01:20:34,672 Over there. 987 01:20:37,880 --> 01:20:39,518 Come on. 988 01:20:40,200 --> 01:20:42,236 Run! Move it! 989 01:20:46,480 --> 01:20:48,675 Over you go. 990 01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:08,269 A ladder. 991 01:21:21,360 --> 01:21:23,157 Over you go. 992 01:21:23,920 --> 01:21:26,275 - Where are you? - Be brave, pal. 993 01:21:26,400 --> 01:21:27,879 Attaboy. 994 01:21:34,880 --> 01:21:38,919 Easy does it, boy. There you go. 995 01:21:50,880 --> 01:21:52,233 Help! 996 01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:57,516 Hang on, we'll get ya. 997 01:21:57,640 --> 01:22:00,552 We'll find something... 998 01:22:02,360 --> 01:22:04,316 Don't move. 999 01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:18,356 Go away, daddy! 1000 01:22:18,960 --> 01:22:22,555 - Give me your hand. - You just want Charlie. 1001 01:22:23,200 --> 01:22:24,792 Put your hand in mine. 1002 01:22:24,920 --> 01:22:27,070 Go away, daddy. 1003 01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:30,679 Help! 1004 01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:58,109 My son. 1005 01:23:10,080 --> 01:23:12,958 Daddy, don't let 'em take Charlie. 1006 01:23:15,480 --> 01:23:18,392 Sorry, son. There's nothing l can do about that now. 1007 01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:24,757 l'm sorry, sonny. 1008 01:23:24,880 --> 01:23:28,873 We got to put Charlie under protective custody for his own good. 1009 01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:32,515 Jimmy, let's go home. l'll explain it all to you later. 1010 01:23:34,120 --> 01:23:35,997 - So long, gentlemen. - No. 1011 01:23:36,120 --> 01:23:39,749 You're not going home. You're coming with us. You're under arrest. 1012 01:23:39,880 --> 01:23:41,108 Arrest? 1013 01:23:41,320 --> 01:23:44,312 Suspicion of violation of federal gold regulations. 1014 01:23:44,440 --> 01:23:47,716 - He didn't mean to. - Ah, sorry. Come on, Dooley. 1015 01:23:51,720 --> 01:23:53,631 At least you're lucky, old boy. 1016 01:23:54,480 --> 01:23:56,072 Lucky? 1017 01:23:56,600 --> 01:24:00,434 My son disowned me. l've lost a fortune. And l've just been arrested. 1018 01:24:00,560 --> 01:24:04,348 But you've got a darned good lawyer to handle your case. 1019 01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:44,036 What's that duck really worth? 1020 01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:46,037 Sorry, gentlemen! 1021 01:24:46,160 --> 01:24:47,991 You can't get in the trial. 1022 01:24:48,120 --> 01:24:50,680 We handle riot cases, rapes and spies, but a rich duck? 1023 01:24:57,080 --> 01:25:01,710 Mr. Hooper, did you actually witness the duck lay a golden egg? 1024 01:25:01,840 --> 01:25:02,989 Yes, sir. 1025 01:25:03,120 --> 01:25:06,874 - Did you make it perform this feat? - l did, indeed. 1026 01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:11,357 - Would you demonstrate it for us, sir? - l'd be happy to. 1027 01:25:31,400 --> 01:25:33,391 lt's the wrong pitch, isn't it? 1028 01:25:51,440 --> 01:25:54,512 - Your Honour, he's not doing it right. - Albert, sit down. 1029 01:25:54,640 --> 01:25:57,757 l'd like to get this out in the open. lf that duck can lay gold eggs, 1030 01:25:57,880 --> 01:25:59,836 then we should establish that. 1031 01:25:59,960 --> 01:26:02,474 lf we've done wrong, l accept the consequences. 1032 01:26:02,600 --> 01:26:06,673 - You're outta your mind. - lf we lose the duck, so be it. 1033 01:26:06,800 --> 01:26:10,839 lt's just that now l know that there are things... 1034 01:26:10,960 --> 01:26:13,269 a darn sight more valuable to me. 1035 01:26:19,360 --> 01:26:21,191 Excuse me. 1036 01:26:24,440 --> 01:26:26,396 One more time. 1037 01:26:32,560 --> 01:26:34,755 There's the evidence. 1038 01:26:34,880 --> 01:26:39,237 Break that open and look inside of that. You're gonna get it now. 1039 01:26:53,520 --> 01:26:57,149 lt's run out. Finished. 1040 01:26:59,400 --> 01:27:01,868 Case dismissed. Lack of evidence. 1041 01:27:02,000 --> 01:27:05,709 But, Your Honour, the defendant has $40,000 in various banks. 1042 01:27:05,840 --> 01:27:07,717 Well, good for him. 1043 01:27:07,880 --> 01:27:10,952 Since when are we against the accumulation of a few dollars 1044 01:27:11,080 --> 01:27:13,389 as a result of individual initiative? 1045 01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:16,398 This country was built on enterprise and ingenuity. 1046 01:27:16,520 --> 01:27:18,715 Let's don't lose that. 1047 01:27:18,840 --> 01:27:21,991 Only bad thing is the professor won't be able to keep the money 1048 01:27:22,120 --> 01:27:25,635 after he pays his income tax on it. 1049 01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:29,876 You know, for a worthless creature, 1050 01:27:30,000 --> 01:27:33,709 you sure have caused a lot of trouble. 1051 01:27:33,840 --> 01:27:36,229 - Here you are. - Thank you, Your Honour. 1052 01:27:36,360 --> 01:27:38,874 You're wrong about this duck being worthless. 1053 01:27:39,000 --> 01:27:41,070 lt has great value. 1054 01:27:41,200 --> 01:27:44,670 lt was just that l was confused about what that value was. 1055 01:27:59,400 --> 01:28:00,674 Really? 1056 01:28:02,280 --> 01:28:05,795 - Forever? - Really forever, pal. 1057 01:28:06,520 --> 01:28:09,432 One word of caution, son. 1058 01:28:09,560 --> 01:28:13,030 lf it ever lays another gold egg, 1059 01:28:13,160 --> 01:28:15,355 bury it... quick.